~my result~

Today,30-12-2008.
This day was the day to take my PMR result..
when i reach school today i feel like so scare of it.
when i sit down in the hall my heardbeat was not as normal as normal day it goes faster than i thought
after PKKK speak soon i change my place to the front.
i start talking to my friends n laugh with them so that i don feel the pressure
after that i saw PKKK bring in some paper and that was the PMR result..
when i saw that i just feel even scare
after i take my result ...
DAMN SAD... :-(
i was so disapointed with my result
i got no 'A' ,5 'B' ,1 'C' and ONE 'D'
i hate to see 'D' in my result ..
and that 'D' was my chineses...
i am sure that the headmaster will sure find me when school reopen
i was damn sad and i saw my friends got atleast 1 'A'
i was going to cry that time but i just have to tahan
i give the result to my big brother to see
i knoe that he was also disapointed..
when i was on the car i just not feeling right just want to cry it out
but i can't do that.
later he ask me when did i wan to go i just told him i want to go home now
just thinking how am i going to tell my father about this
later my brother was not taking me to the jetty
he take my to a shop to take some desset
in the shop my brother just told me
'Don't be so disapointed. now you also can't change it and also it was over so don't think about that. workharder in next year. Aim for your SPM'
damn i hear this i feel more well but i still disapointed
after that he told me what i am wrong.
i'm so lazy and my attitue was terrible
while he was talking i just start to cry it out
after that he take me to jetty.
when i reach the mainland i just when in to my father's car
that time i was even sad n disapointed
my father also scold me awhile and take me to lunch
while on the car i was crying too..
later on we reach to the shop i find place to sit after that i am still thinking of my result
after eat i when home and start to clean my room
i feel so sorry for myself and also my family
now i have to set a target and start walk toward that target
and now i wan to cry it out but i can't
i knoe if i cry it out i will feel more comfortable
i think that why i can't cry it out is because the god want me to remenber this big mistake forever in my mind so that i can't do it again..
i'm so sorry ....